Bed Making and Instant Noodles

"If you don't have it, you can't lose it." Eric Yuen

Everything is nothing (so why not have fun)

Celery.

Start anew.

Chai.

Paint bucket.

Reinvention.

Running.
Destruction.

Flowers.

Flow.

Airing out.

Screaming.

Idiocy.

Killing.

More flowers.

Singing.

Kettle.

Kicking.

Lips.

Drawing.

Pasting.

Chinese.

Necklace.

Gigs.

Bombing.

Sun.

Eyeliner.

Slicing.

Camera.

Bike.

Playing.

Crying.

Mud.

Hands.

Post-it.

Zoo.

Nail polish.

Shaking.

Forest.

Snip. Snip. Snip.

Percussion.

, not .

"A closed mind is a dead mind. So open up and live." (flyfromnearby.tumblr.com)

Winter is here

It is hard to learn more and more about someone and not to pick out a flaw.

I guess more so, to be okay with them. As I grow older, more of the flaws of people I see. It's not entirely a pleasant experience since I do not enjoy to encounter or to share about it. I dislike gossiping. It's not ... efficient.

To think that I will pick out flaws of my own when I get to know myself better is uncomfortable. I think it's because I wouldn't know what to do about them. It's always easy to just say it than to do it. "How can I fix this? Oh, I can start doing this... and stop doing that." We are not in a high school classroom anymore. You write problems and solutions up on the board and forget about it all when the bell rings.

Also I've realised I always try to find reasons to my actions and thoughts. What if there are no reasons?

Why does everything has to be complicated these days?

I guess there are a lot more things to learn.

Reality and something else.

Often I feel like I am in a movie, as an actress because reality can be even more poetic than fiction.

Here is a question: Why do I not feel more like the writer?

Is it because I have little power in the surrounding?

The invisible script says; "Now you go to school.", "Now you are at work and smile to people.", "Now you are tired of your life and cry.", "Now is time to cook."

I have controls over what to wear, what to eat, and how to do things but not necessarily what I do.

And constantly you are defined and be judged by your past actions.

It's like you're a shoebox with full of photos from the past.

How do I break out of this shell? Or do I?

How do I paint my own picture while going with the flow?
How can I be more active?

A rather humorous line from the movie I've watched yesterday lingers in my head.

"That's 'cause we all wanna be problemless. To fix ourselves. We look for some magic solution to make us all better, but none of us really know what we're doing. And why is that so bad? That's all we humans can do. Try. Hope. But, Justin, just pray you don't fool yourself into thinking you've got the answer. Because that's bullshit. The trick is living without an answer. I think."

-From Thumbsucker

And the guitar cried

I don't feel at ease. There is tension everywhere. When it is exposed or touched, it is rather overwhelming. Instead of it being painful, it is rather beautiful though. Like a dragon fly breaking the surface tension of the water, like the amateur guitarist learning to play a tune.

It's as if we have waited this long for a grand opening. Or rather, soon or later a finale.

You think it's the start and it's an ending for something else. We are constantly starting and finishing. Never the same. The process is quite minute hence without an incredibly sound observation, this can never be seen or heard. We are consisted of many short stories, not a great one novel. Everyone has billions of stories and that makes one's life and those lives make the great novel. The history.