Reality and something else.

Often I feel like I am in a movie, as an actress because reality can be even more poetic than fiction.

Here is a question: Why do I not feel more like the writer?

Is it because I have little power in the surrounding?

The invisible script says; "Now you go to school.", "Now you are at work and smile to people.", "Now you are tired of your life and cry.", "Now is time to cook."

I have controls over what to wear, what to eat, and how to do things but not necessarily what I do.

And constantly you are defined and be judged by your past actions.

It's like you're a shoebox with full of photos from the past.

How do I break out of this shell? Or do I?

How do I paint my own picture while going with the flow?
How can I be more active?

A rather humorous line from the movie I've watched yesterday lingers in my head.

"That's 'cause we all wanna be problemless. To fix ourselves. We look for some magic solution to make us all better, but none of us really know what we're doing. And why is that so bad? That's all we humans can do. Try. Hope. But, Justin, just pray you don't fool yourself into thinking you've got the answer. Because that's bullshit. The trick is living without an answer. I think."

-From Thumbsucker